Episode 182

Chrissy Carter - From Heartbreak to Joy: One Woman’s Fertility Journey

Chrissy Carter, a leading teacher on the Meditation Studio app, shares the often-heartbreaking story of her six-year journey to motherhood, which ends with the joyful birth of her daughter, Chloé. Chrissy created the Fertility Collection, a set of 15 guided meditations, to support women on their own journey to motherhood--no matter what they may experience or where they are on their personal path. “My hope is that you find support in these meditations. Looking back, it's clear that my journey was exactly how it had to be. I understand now that it was never about having a baby—it was about having Chloé. She was why we went through all those things, and we are so lucky,”

In this episode:

“Not only was I experiencing grief, but I was housing grief.”

“I think it’s a struggle for so many women because there isn’t a space in our culture to really process this kind of grief.”

“There is no cure for grief. And there is no cure for our experience.”

“Listening to your instincts is a really important tool, in order to deal with the unknown and to navigate that fear.”

“My personal belief is that life is happening for me, not to me.”

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Takeaways:

  • There are considerable pressures felt from mothers who have fertility issues or miscarriages, to move on. You shouldn’t feel pressured to move on from such a heartbreaking event.
  • Chrissy states that with a miscarriage, there is nothing really tangible to grieve. You can publicly mourn the loss of your dog or a family member, and you’ll have a support system in place that you can lean on in a tangible way. But miscarriage isn’t necessarily seen or approached in the same way.
  • Cultivating hope was one of the most challenging aspects of her miscarriage. Chrissy had to practice it every day.
  • After trying everything she could think to do, Chrissy realized that there is no cure for grief. Sometimes there is no “out”, as she puts it, meaning that it will stick with you. But we can be at peace with this and live with it.
  • Going with the flow and cultivating the necessary flexibility to oscillate between pain and joy is essential for living with grief.
  • Because loss is cumulative, we have a hard time forgetting the most recent setbacks and this can make us shut down. Chrissy went through this struggle with IVF.
  • Creative projects are great tools for practicing not having a plan. That is, the improvisational nature of creative acts can help remind yourself to just relax and experience. 

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